Luca’s First Birthday: Lessons From Our Son

Monday was the anniversary of Luca’s birth, his first birthday.

Our friends gathered in celebration of our sweet boy, and it was so beautiful, more beautiful than anything I could have ever imagined. I will be posting pictures later this week, as we are still gathering all of them together. The moments captured, so gorgeous each of them, with the sunset Luca created that night and even a heart cloud to boot.

Floating Lanterns into the Sky for Luca D'oro

Floating Lanterns into the Sky for Luca D’oro

Before his birthday, I spent time contemplating what it is I would say. I was to speak on behalf of my son, but I wanted to do it just right. This was my chance to speak of him, for him, to the people who loved him, and were a part of his community.

So this is what I came up with. This is what flowed from my mind and heart.

“I wanted to come up with something so profound, that I could feel I had honored Luca properly, to give this little guy the spotlight and respect he deserved. To remember Luca as so much more than a baby lost, a neonatal death, an unspoken uncomfortable topic for many of those in our daily lives. 


He was so wanted long before he ever even arrived. He exemplified love before he came here.


And I miss him everyday. Tremendously.


Who he would have become.


What he would be like today, on his first birthday.


How different our family portrait would appear.


But in this last year of grief and sadness, of pain and longing for what was supposed to be, came the peaking in of light, a heaviness that lifted here and there. We found ourselves time and time again surrounded by love, by this community of people wanting to help us, to carry some of the load of this grief, and transform it into joy and love.


And from this, came our Lessons from Luca. 


If there is someone around you in need of help. Help them.


If someone you care about, or maybe someone you feel a connection to needs an ear or a shoulder, be there for them if you can. And so many times, you can.  Just simply acknowledging their experience and what they are going through, will make that one person feel a little less alone.


If they are stuck in a whole, climb into that whole and remind them that they aren’t alone.


Try not to judge. You don’t know what another person’s experience has been like, and their life circumstances are likely nothing like yours.


Pain is pain, and everyone’s story on how they arrived to pain though possibly similar, is likely completely different.


We all experience loss at sometime or another. Don’t compare your loss to there’s. 


Just be there. Hold space for them. You’ll create greater connections that will last a lifetime. You’ll have invited more love in, and sent more love out. You’ll have made a difference in that person’s life.


We only live once in these bodies. Make a difference. Do it in honor and remembrance of Luca, of Elan Vie, Anthony, Milla, Joey, Paul, Isabella, Anne Marie, Gus, Delaney, Kenley, Noah, and Violet.


Remember to love. Share love. Give love. Spread love. “


2 thoughts on “Luca’s First Birthday: Lessons From Our Son

  1. this is so beautiful. thanks for sharing these lessons from luca. i will think of them and try to be a better loving human. love you.

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