Another visit to the doctor’s, for medical problems that showed up after Luca’s birth.
It’s seems unfair to me.
To not have him, but to have all these stupid side effects from the pregnancy. No Luca, but here I sit at another appointment, trying to find out what’s wrong with me, and always hoping it will give any more insight on why he died or why his condition was never caught.
But I usually leave with no further knowledge.
I want my son. I want him in my arms, near me, so that I can reach out and touch him, feel him alive.
I slip into this dark place, my brow is furrowing, tears blur my vision. I just hope tomorrow, or even later today to have some light shine in.