Today, just 7 weeks since Luca passed, Gina mustered up her courage, and went back to work. To face a world she hadn’t seen since before Luca was born.
On one hand, it means time is passing, and we are supposed to be feeling a little lighter, which hasn’t happened. Any lightness we have felt has been quickly overshadowed by this deep darkness and guttural ache that sits in our lap everyday . And on the other hand, it’s hard being away from her. We’ve been by each other’s sides for the last 7 weeks and sitting in our grief and love together.
But I’m at home alone. Sitting in my grief with our pups. I’m supposed to have a baby in my arms, making me exhausted in this deep bliss of being a mom.
Instead I am here in tears.
Today is also the day we are set to receive orders from an online company where we had registered for Luca’s things. After we came back from the hospital, we had to go through the painful process of returning all the gifts people had bought for him, all of his beautiful cloth diapers that I had been collecting for months, all these little ‘things’ that all signified our preparation for Luca D’Oro. So odd to be receiving a package with things that I know very well came from the same money that bought his swaddles, and bottles, and blankets, and swimming trunks, and bath tub.